I miss my dad so much and I don’t know what to do with this pain

I can’t stand being this sad but no one cares so I don’t care and everything is always whatever anyways so fuck it i’ve always had the best heart and the worst luck and i’ve always been stuck and I still am

Where do I begin with things like these

days like these

where all i’ve got is 5am and a left over six pack

all i’ve got is a guitar and words you can’t sing to

because we’re used to throwing things around this room

we’re used to wanting to be a bride and groom but never being so

we’re waiting on a world to change but we’re confused on the rules of the game

I never needed to know your name to feel who you are inside

to glide into your thoughts and want to know where i’m going

we’re all empty wastelands we fill with our own flawed design

we hope we’re beautiful and we know we please ourselves

but we care only about that most times when I want to appeal to all

tell me, how I should be concerned with the dead and their singing

when words could never compare to the shine in the eyes of the living

how do you float over things you want to forget, so you can

how do you go when you know you’re leaving something behind

something you can’t even see with your shiny eyes anymore

and we all have those days we beg to be lackluster and disappear

maybe take a walk without the clock telling you how to steer

saying how much you don’t want to be here

but we need a change of scenery whether or not you believe me

and whether or not I believe myself, we carry on

I can’t be like the rest of you because I must be the man that’s needed

whether or not I believe all things, I can help you though I can’t help myself

so I have to stay here and be your shield and your sword

love will turn your spirit to steel under the pretense that you must be strong and endure

so we will

My dad was my superhero and without him here I just feel so scared

Some days I can’t find the difference between miseries
I’m empty and so are you, with your inability to fill me
It takes so much out of me just to be as of lately
I don’t want to believe in death for I’ve never died
I try hard to believe in honesty even though I’m always lied to
But I still won’t lie to you
And I’d die for you as long as you were true too
No one will come out and just be your angel
I wouldn’t expect it anyways
But come to me and I’d never let you down
Because I can’t be your everything
But I can be just what you need just when you need me
And I love unconditionally without conditions taking hold of me
Just take me away, love

I think a lot about dying but I don’t really want to I just don’t know how to deal with too much lately and I wish I had one friend left who wouldn’t leave but everyone’s selfish and I’m starving stuck with this headache that reminds me how much I hate this world because I love it too much to give up even though I feel like it and it seems like nothing ever changes and nothing ever will but losing feelings about things I used to love and letting layers of dust pile on my guitar because I don’t care to play these stupid songs anymore whoever said the human spirit is infinite didn’t realize the things we need to say most are feelings that aren’t a language we understand from person to person and maybe for once I don’t want to care about your story because mines more important but I’m not heartless even though some days I beg myself to be because even though there’s a millions I’s in this shitshow its all about everyone else

This has probably been the hardest week of my life

Everyone’s got a story
Some days it’s comedy and some it’s tragedy
We all want to live safe and sound
To be birthed from within and die for the ground
Beneath our feet I wonder why we run
But some days I wonder why we walk instead
Because moving fast and living long don’t both seem possible
And I’m at a loss of words over improbable things that are happening anyways
I’m scared for our past and I welcome the future
But I don’t know if people can drop where we came from over lifting up to where we are going
And I wonder
I just sit here and wonder
If I could give peace I would
And we all can so why won’t you?

No one should ever be bent so far out of shape they don’t fit this place anymore

if you want to hurt someone then hurt yourself but stop our suffering

why must we sit in fear and in pain, in loss and love that never was

there’s a story in every blade of grass and whisper of the wind

there is a difference in the way the sun rises every single day

if you don’t believe it then open your eyes and see

this world can be beautiful if we maybe just hold on when we shouldn’t

we can try to be happy when we think we can’t anymore

and even when the numbers go one under and start to plunder

i’m always here even though sometimes I want to disappear

and that much is clear, you must deal with what you’re given

always thinking you can change everything when you can’t change anything

all we have left is hope and we’ve got to use it, for the sake of our souls

our beings that yearn for excellence and perfection when it’s impossible

but I don’t really believe that at all

stuck with nothing I want

I could write you a fairytale about daydreaming so beautifully

tell you a story about a prince and his love living life together endlessly

wonder for a minute if it could happen to you or to me

thinking today this day tomorrow it’s all the same, where it’s just not happening

as I sit here next to you in a dark room where I see in shades of gray

you could sift through the days where I can’t even remember anything

but the way karma relays, and it stays with us til I can’t stay awake anymore

I never sinned against you like you would think, but that’s what you’d think so I say it so

if you could carry a note I would let you know I can’t do this anymore but I do every time

I would take pity out on you like a hit trying to take your fucking pitiful life

but maybe that’s just me, it’s always me jealous waiting in the back

sick of trying to have friends like other things just for the matter of fact

I could write an ocean but I become still like a pond

we used to skip rocks across with some of them but we forget how to get along

A journey you say

may be more than just for me

because in parts, we’re everything

we pour out blood just to see if we bleed

and i’d never let you go

or leave you behind you see

because if i’m going to be free

then i’m sure as hell you will be

there’s a million different destinies where we all cannot decide

do we discipline the master who has left his behind?

do we substitute dreams for schemes in which we may win

but we will never be washed away from such disgusting sins

if you would give me that chance for greatness

where no one could debate it

i’d show you colors golden 

like heaven should be gated

and if you believe in me

like I believe we can change it all

i’ll see it through to the end with you

regardless of the haul

I know a lot about waiting

I know a lot about sitting and wondering where your time’s going

how you can just waste yourself away wanting more but not trying

maybe just done with trying, maybe even just for a day

I know how it is to feel so alone

to feel so alone everywhere you go when there’s bodies all around

but they’re not simple and warm to the touch like you’d believe

they’re not anything you’d want to see existing because they’re not existing

sometimes I wonder if you’re only here because I imagine it so

I guess we’re all just lost souls with nowhere left to go 

you want to try to see a story, a line to follow, anything real

you want to know how a man can shatter himself silly over nothing

and then on other days he can take a million blows standing like a blessing

I just don’t understand because there’s so much to take in all at once

i’d like to think i’m dreaming so maybe i’ll be more okay with endings

I haven’t seen one effective way to cope with the most devastating things

I haven’t found one person who knows what I mean by love, and it’s entirety

and just how much it means to me to be respected and be believed in

i’m always thinking if we’re all similar in our design how we don’t understand

or we just ignore what we know is right instead of treating each other like we’d treat ourselves

because i’d say it for the records, I could never act like I won’t ever see you again

and treat you like a piece of shit instead of just being your friend for the moment if that’s what it is

I could never understand how giving so much could get so little

or the difference between bad and worse could be just where the good is

but how are you supposed to know just how bad things really are

when every time I cry, i’m told to be strong just for the fact of being strong

when every time I say it’s unfair, you tell me that a lot of things in life are

when every time I suffer myself to sleep, you say i’m sorry

but i’m sorry doesn’t mean anything in the world to me anymore

I am tired of hearing silly shout outs about how we can’t make it

sad lisps about how the seasons change but this feeling stopped changing with it

begging to know where we belong, but I know I should be here for the moment

no matter how hard things could be, we must bend and never break

and you taught me to live life like I could take the world for my own even if but for a second

you made me feel so smart as to know, made me feel so much as to believe in other hearts and other worlds

could you take my hand this time, follow me into this, whatever it is?

I wouldn’t start each sentence with a period, but that’s how most end

I would end every day feeling loved unless it would make you feel unloved

I don’t know where to draw the line, i’m tired of I’s and not we’s

tired of I’s and not us

but if you betrayed me into an I, than you’d be no different than the rest

because where you may try half assed, I would do my best

and the way the leaves rustle in the wind makes it seem just like it’s raining

but it’s the end of March and i’m thinking i’m just going crazy again

I just don’t know where to start

on days like these where this isn’t a lot but sunshine and I’m baffled

I don’t know how to write and these feelings come in waves

like i’m important, and this moment could be so much

but it falls short like waves that could never reach you

and i’m the fool for letting you walk out that door

for walking you out that door and just watching 

we all remember those rosy red feelings of flower gardens

we all want to kiss like the first time and die like it means the world

in my dreams there is this feeling of glory and love like a book

but my story never reads quite the same as anything i’d consider premeditated

I get scared you’re going to die and leave me, I get scared my family is going to break away

and I don’t want to die alone so sad in my head knowing you’re all right here

I don’t want to be an incapable, a cripple to accepting love but I don’t understand

how we can fake to get faked to, how you take from sheer lies the opposite of I

some days I beg god for stupidity, some days I don’t believe in god

but who’s to say i’m right and you’re wrong

when I feel so sure of my world and the things I would change if I could

I would rather help than be helped even though maybe i’m crazy

but I just never know where to draw the line between this and I

and

I just don’t know where to finish this